Santa: So, you are distantly related to the family next door, are you?
Banta: Yes, their dog is our dog's brother.
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A Sardar Doctor and Pundit loved same girl.
Pundit started giving an apple to the girl every day.
Sardar Doctor asked: WHY??
Pundit: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!
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Santa has to sell his dog. Banta wants to buy it.
Banta: Is this dog faithful?
Santa: Yes, I have sold it 3 times earlier also. It is so faithful, every time it returned back to me.
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Yoga teacher to a woman: Has yoga any effect over your husband’s drinking habit?
Woman: Yes, An Amazing Funny Effect!! Now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head.
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My sweet girlfriend had habit of biting her fingernails. She started doing YOGA to treat the problem. Soon her finger-nails started growing normally.
Seeing this, I asked if yoga had totally cured her problem.
"No," she replied with a funny sweet smile, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead." ____________________________________________________________________
A dog thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me... They must be gods!
A cat thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me...
I must be a god!
I must be a god!
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Funny Sharma was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote: YES
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Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.
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A Very Funny beautiful girl was a college student.
Once Very Funny Girl comes late to class.
Teacher: Why are you late?
Very Funny Girl : One boy was following me, sir.
Teacher: So, What?
Very Funny Girl : That boy was walking very slow.
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Santa asks Priest: Why did god make women so beautiful?
Priest: So that you will love them.
Santa thinks for a short time...
Santa: But why did God make them so dumb?
Priest: So that they will love you.
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Judge asks a little Kid: Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy?
Kid: No, my mummy beats me.
Judge: Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.
Kid: No, my daddy beats me too.
Judge: Well then, who do you want to live with?
Kid: I want to live with the Indian Cricket team, they never beat anybody !!!
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Banta to Lawyer: What is your fees?
Lawyer: Rs 5000/- for 3 questions.
Banta: Isn't it too high?
Lawyer: Yes, it is. What is your third question?
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Santa & Banta got tired using mobile cell phones. For a change, they decided to use pigeons to send sweet messages. And this hilarious scheme worked very fine.
One day Santa sends his pigeon.
Banta sees, the pigeon is without any message. He picks his mobile and asks Santa: The pigeon is without any sweet message.
Santa: Oye khotey, that was a missed call.
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Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you?
Funny Girlfriend: It is sufficient for me, but how will you survive?
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Santa: Why are you heating the knife?
Banta: To do suicide.
Santa: But why are you heating it?
Banta: To prevent infection. ____________________________________________________________________
Sardar Ji: Why have you increased speed of car?
Laloo: Break has failed. We should reach home before accident.
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Teacher to Student: Kid, your essay on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy from him?
Student: No, teacher, it's about the same dog!
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Santa was weeping at a grave, "Why did you die? Why did you die? Your death ruined my life."
Banta: For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent? Wife? or Girlfriend ?
Santa: My wife’s first husband.
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Accountant: This painting is 500 years and 20 days old.
Sardar: Amazing! Where did you get this exact information?
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School Teacher: What is common between Buddha, Jesus, Mahavir and Guru Nanak Dev Ji?
Student: All of them were born on Indian centre govt holidays!
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Laloo's Son: Dad, how much does it cost to get married.
Funny Laloo: I never calculated, I am still paying for it.
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Husband: I want divorce. My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months.
Lawyer: Think about it once again. Wives like that are hard to get!
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American Girl: When my grandfather died he left 10 million dollars.
Indian Girl: When my grandfather died he left 20 million dollars.
Pakistani Girl: That’s nothing, When my grandfather died he left the whole world.
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Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't have any more work.
Santa: That's all right, sir. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't ask you to give me work anyway!!
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Laloo applied for the post of a detective in Patna. In the interview he was asked a question:
Who killed Mahatma Gandhi?
Laloo: I will tell you tomorrow.
Laloo come home and tells his wife: I got the job and my first work is to investigate who killed Gandhi.
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Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Mahatma Gandhi was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhi was four years old.
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Chemistry Teacher: What is the chemical formula of water?
Student: HIJKLMNO.
Chemistry Teacher: What are you talking about?
Student: Yesterday you said H to O
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Sardarji saw two Pakistani workers in Karachi. One of them dig a hole, and the other guy immediately fill it with soil again. They repeated the work again and again.
Sardarji couldn’t understand their job. He asked the Pakistanis about it.
Paki Worker replied: The third guy who plants the trees in holes is on leave today, & we are doing our duty.
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Husband: Honey, I invited a friend home for dinner.
Wife: What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, all the dishes are dirty, and I can't cook meal.
Funny Husband: I know all that.
Wife: Then why did you invite the friend?
Funny Husband: Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married
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Laloo: Doctor, I don't remember anything, sometimes on road I even forget if I am going to office from home or going back to home from office.
Psychiatrist: In such a condition, you should check your tiffin. If it is empty then you are going to home, if it is full, you are going to office.
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An Indian Sardar ji & a Pakistani were in Titanic. Titanic was sinking.
Pakistani: How much the earth is far from here?
Indian Sardar Ji: 2 kilo meter.
The Pakistani jumped into the sea and asked again: ...to which direction?
Indian Sardar Ji: Downwards.
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Santa to Banta: I and my girlfriend are getting married.
Banta: Oh great, but when is the marriage?
Santa: I am marrying on on 13th Jan and my girlfriend on 20th.
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Santa: Hurry-up, hurry-up, give me a drink. Fight is about to start.
Bartender gives him a drink.
Santa again says: Hurry-up, hurry-up, give me drink. Fight is about to start.
Bartender again gives him a drink.
Santa again asks for a drink as the fight is about to star.
Bartender: When on earth the fight will start?
Naughty Santa: When you will ask for money.
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A Drunken man points towards sky and asks another drunk: Is it sun or moon?
Second Drunk: I can't say what it is, because I am also new in the town.
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Laloo: Doctor, when I take a bath I get wet.
Doctor: Ok, next time when you are going to take a bath, turn off the tap.
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Wife: Honey, if I die would you get married again?
Husband: No dear.
Wife: I'm sure you would.
Annoyed husband: Okay, I would.
Wife: Would you let her sleep in our bed?
Husband: Ya, I guess so.
Wife: Would you let her wear my clothes.
Husband: No, she is taller than you.
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Girlfriend: I can't marry you. I am one year elder to you.
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A Haryanvi Tau buys a ticket for Rs 100 and wins the lottery of 1 crore. He goes to claim it.
Haryanvi Tau: I want Rs 1 crore.
Lottery Agent: We give you 10 lakh today. The rest amount will be paid in next 6 months.
Haryanvi Tau: Oh, no! I want all my money right now. If you don't do it today, then I want my Rs 100 back.
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School Kid: Why are some of your hair white moms?
Mom: Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me unhappy, one of my hair turns white.
Funny Kid thought for a moment, and then said, "Mamma, how come *all* of grandma’s hair are white?”
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